I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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