You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
