In the future we'll all be gay
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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