you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
