so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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