It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
