$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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