I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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