I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
