Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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