recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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