Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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