if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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