Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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