the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Blow job season was short but glorious.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
