Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
