why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
