please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Vodka?
Forever.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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