Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Drake has all the answers
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
