I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
