About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
