So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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