Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
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U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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