weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I am one with the molecules
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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