Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
