oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we made out on top of his cat.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
