We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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