i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
