i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
