walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
