sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
