When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
