discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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