I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize