i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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