Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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