are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you would pick up someone in the library
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
