I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
