Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i love accidental penises.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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