he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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