And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
