I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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