I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
