it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
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Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
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Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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