omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
