I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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