got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
