please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Enjoy the penises
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
