Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
