Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
