If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
