Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
