I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
