I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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