I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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