my being single is dangerous.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
