So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
