I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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