My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
