he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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