so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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