Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There's always time for handjobs
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
