you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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