i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
