At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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