We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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