I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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