she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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