i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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