Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
