I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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