ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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